Monday, October 25, 2010

Addicted to... anything

I recently had an interesting conversation with a close friend about addiction. She has had a lifelong bout with alcohol but has been free of that addiction for several years. She is now addicted to exercise. I know that sounds silly, but it can be just as dangerous. We all have tendencies and compulsions that we cater to unconsciously and most of them are harmless. But for some people the compulsion to “ease the pain” or “forget the present” or “drown their sorrows” becomes habitual. With exercise as with drugs there is a high. This is caused by endorphins which bind to opioid receptors in neurons, blocking the release of neurotransmitters and thus interfering with the transmission of pain impulses to the brain. *This reaction mimics the effects of addictive drugs like morphine. People can literally run themselves silly. But in the case of people with addictive tendencies over exercising can lead to injury and death. For these people exercise is just another outlet for their addiction. These people might gravitate towards marathons, body building, or in the case of my friend martial arts. She initially enjoyed the ideals and structure behind the martial art she was learning. Within a few months she had a regular schedule and had converted her garage into a mini dojo. She also began sparring with the people in her class. With most addicts there is a feeling of depression and the acceptance of some amount of pain associated with the activity of choice. Hitting and getting hit became her addiction. She began fighting at a mixed martial arts dojo six nights a week. Then found a group that met on Sundays to round out her week. Exercise and fighting became her primary focus. She lost weight, got injured and knocked out many times and still kept pushing herself until her sponsor recognized that she was addicted again. This time the drug was adrenaline.
I find it very interesting that almost everyone knows someone or is someone who has an obsession with something. For some its drugs or porn , and for those main stream addicts video games, marathons and even religion. This is where this subject really hit home for me. This is because I have a family member who is zealous about religion. The particular religion isn’t important but his total and detrimental obsession is. He eats and sleeps and drinks “The word “. To hear him speak you would think the world is on the brink of implosion and her people were preparing for annihilation. He recommends bomb shelters and hoarding non perishable goods. He has become obsessed with convincing anyone who he knows that our current way of life here in the U.S. is about to vanish. He left his job to become more involved and travel with his religious group. He left his family to be closer to his deity and the people who needed his help. So when I began thinking of addiction in terms of a compulsion or genetic disposition that can manifest itself in almost any action I realized that there are far more addicts in the world. And I am convinced that there are folks who are addicted to Meditation and Buddhism to their detriment. I pray for these people who are so deeply involved in positive action that it has become harmful. I hope that they find understanding and can learn the middle way.*(for an interesting study of these effects please see : MK McGovern’s “The effects of exercise on the brain”)

So what do we feel about the past?-Today when a person begins to take action to his or her own detriment -to the bewilderment of others, we call them crazy -when this action is a repetitive and self destructive we are in the realm of clinical dysfunction -In this modern day we would be dealing with a certifiable psyche -but this is what Siddhartha, Yasodhara and Rahula did and many others before and since, What is fasting, penance, "fervor"? When someone trains their whole life for the Olympics, having been injured time and time again, would we consider these folks “Addicted” –I might.Buddhism teaches us to be mindful of ourselves and of our life but in most instances those men and women who we revere as gurus have themselves turned their back on the middle way. I am still educating myself and dissecting my thoughts on the idea of addiction.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Freestyle Buddhist

When I was a kid my family went to Disney World once a year. I was not allowed on many of the rides because of my size and my heart condition. I wanted to get on the roller coasters --- I don’t know what other people think about their direction or focus or even their current state in life. I don’t think I’ve ever asked. I have of course said “How ya doin?” that’s almost automatic and doesn’t get much response. Then there’s “What are your goals in life?” Which is way too formal and is more fitting for a job interview or at high-school graduation. But I know that I am just cruising through this life. Easy come easy go. Don’t get me wrong there are up’s and down’s, Life throws those around a lot –I like the ride. Like a rollercoaster in the dark -Space Mountain- click click click –then swoosh there is a hard left at 2 g’s –LOVE THAT! Yep, I am cruising. Three weeks ago –Pneumonia, now I am running up stairs. Two months ago my car was fine –now I need a new one. I could get all freaked out and say –Where’s the money gonna come from? But it’ll come –it always does. My wife and I take things as they come. Sometimes we need to sit across the dinner table and think things through but those times are becoming far less often –maybe once a year. The Big things from 20 years ago are really tiny now –we have raised two kids, had numerous life threatening emergencies, at least 10 surgeries, scary test results. We’ve been through close to 30 hurricanes, 4 floods, Grandparents failing health, parents failing health and 5 layoffs. It’s a rollercoaster. I love it –I am just here riding along thinking of what happened on that last turn, and I know there’s gonna be some more. But I didn’t design this ride and even though I might think I can guess what’s gonna happen, even though I have heard all the stories from the old timers and I’ve read the history, the odds, and the guide books. There is no way I can predict what this ride is gonna do next –so I just cruise. Relax –take a slow breath –(spit out your gum before you choke on it.) and enjoy the ride.

Haiku

Charged with character
Bent, worn and withered by life
Subtle in beauty

The farm gate



Melted by water
Rock torn, battered, bumped and bruised
Smoothly polished bright

Round stone

Bugs and their place


This weekend I had company over. The weather was gorgeous, and so we ateoutside. By sundown the mosquitoes were on the hunt. I try not to killmosquitoes, so when I caught one on my arm, I tried my best to brush itoff. I started this habit a couple years ago, about the same time Ibecame serious about Buddhism. Sometimes, accidentally, the mosquitodies in the process.If I spot a spider in the house, I try to catch it and release it outside. The same goes for flies, wasps beetles, ants, or other creepy crawlies. You get the picture.I have to admit, sometimes I feel silly. It is, after all, only a bug, right? What's the big deal?As a parent raising kids in the woods in a very rural small town I have watched my kids and their friends reactions to almost every outdoor encounter imaginable. If there's one thing that I've learned from watching it's that kids and adults are not that different. The same attitude that upsets me in kids especially as they hit the teen years is prevalent in most adults I know--namely that they think the world exists for them.Literally, that the world was created for them: animals exist so we canmake Big Macs out of them, and trees grow so we can cut them down tomake notebooks out of them.They think that the world was created for humans to do with as they please. To them, Earth is a giantplayground for people to have fun in. Or worse still, a giant diaper...(you imagine the rest)That's why Buddhism is so radical. Buddhists understand that, not only does every action have a consequence (karma), but that the world is a vast interconnected network, so thatwhat I do affects you, and vice versa. In that way, Buddhists are committed to living mindfully to insure that they cause as little harm as possible (which is not to say that you won't find so-called"Buddhists" doing unsavory or unethical things--far from it!).To come back to our little blood-sucking insect, the reason I don't kill them is not because I think I'll generate bad karma or that squishing the bug will have disastrous environmental consequences in theunforeseen future, but because I know that the way I treat a bug translates to how I treat other people, to how I interact with the world as a whole. If I think that a bug is annoying and squash it forentertainment or because its mere existence is "inconvenient" to me, then how tolerant and compassionate can I really be? (Alan Watts has a great spiel about this, where he criticizes humans for being selfish: we feed off of the world, consuming countless plants and animalsthroughout the course of our lives, but can't even spare a single drop of blood for another creature. How true it is!) The way we treat an insect, as small and insignificant as it may appear to us, reflects ourrelationship to the entire world.That being said, what would I do if my house was infested with termites? I'd hire an exterminator. The Buddhist precept against killing is just that--a precept. It's not a commandmentpassed down from "on high," something to be clung to at all costs; it's ageneral rule for living. And like all rules, life will force us intosituations where we must make exceptions. My house is built out of wood,the byproduct of dead trees. That's a fact, one that no amount ofidealism will change. We live in a world where we must kill other beingsin order to survive. As unfortunate as that is, it's a biologicalfact--right up there with the truth of impermanence itself.But I find that being aware of killing even the smallest thing needlessly is far better than no awareness at all.And still...I'm still far from seeing myself and "others" as the same, but I try mybest not kill mosquitoes, or spiders, or ants. They are part of thisworld too, and have every right to live. (Until they threaten theintegrity of my home, that is!) If my body or circumstances demanded itI will kill an animal. But only if I had to. For how I treat all life them reflects how Iview this world.None of this makes me better or superior than anyone else. And yet, I do think it makes a difference--admittedly a small one, but a difference nonetheless. I try to make the world a better place, or at the very least, not a worse one.I think that, more than anything else, is what makes me proud to be a Buddhist.
- The honey bee may have a sting, but to all that flowers he is king.Without his kind the fauna dies, so have a care for things that flies.The mosquito may whine and bite, as some flies and yellow jackets might.These little things bring out the show as bats and swallows swoop at night.The spider’s legs and web will scare, but she controls the biting bugs with care.She keeps their swarms to smaller mass so do not harm her as you pass.As for viruses and diseases being spread -this is true but killing the insect after it bites you -that’s just a reaction. Respect is the term I choose to use when we are out doors at my home in the woods in Fl. We have all sorts of biting insects that we repel with camphor and citronella and geranium, and we have special screens designed to block these little creatures. We Respect these insects and when it's time for them to hunt -we do our best to create a no fly zone. After all If your living on a river in Australia-you have a respectful awareness of crocks and snakes -if you live in Mississippi in the swamp you respect gators, and snakes, skeeters and black flies. If you live in NY -you are respectfully aware of muggers and pickpockets. For me it is as simple as knowing we all live here with creatures programmed to eat other things -So rather that kill them for it -we simply make ourselves less appetizing.Besides -there are far too many ways that we humans could make this world uninhabitable because we think we would be better off if we killed off some tiny thing.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Grabbing hands


I found this great picture on a friend’s blog and it spoke to me. This isn’t how I normally find inspiration but in this case I am glad it did. We all have wants; we want a house, car, husband/wife, job, independence, and body, whatever it is we all have wants. We grasp for something. How simple life would be if we didn’t. What if we weren’t hardwired to hunt for more? In Buddhism desire is one of the five hindrances. It is often unintentionally related to greed because in the old Pali language these two meanings come from the same word. Buddhism does not truly speak of freeing ourselves from want or desire because these things are part of the human spirit. Buddhism does however prescribe that we learn to inspect and analyze what we want in order to control these feelings before they control us. And therein lays the crux of the issue. As humans we want. These wants spring from how easy it is for us to get what we need. Opposable thumbs and big brains allowed our early ancestors to find shelter, food, and water rather easily. We have an ability to make tools and to change our environment. So after those basic needs are met we have some free time on our hands. And idle time makes us think “I can fix that.” And just like that humans created desire. And we began to look for faster and easier ways to do everything from make fire and tools thousands of years ago to storing and retrieving information today. We will unfortunately never rid ourselves of want. And just as unfortunately we also seem to be hardwired to keep all that crap that we’ve collected in the pursuit of making life easier. Few of us can easily get rid of those rewards of our desire, those trophies of conquest, and the spoils of achievement. Just like the flute that was an incredible find on E-Bay. Though I may never be able to play it, I will not be parted from it. –nobody wants to get rid of cool stuff.
Economists see desire as a closely linked motivator to loss, they call this need to hold onto what we acquire as the “Loss aversion” theory. This prescribes that all animals including humans are instinctively possessive. Try to take away a fat dogs bone and you may get bitten. He dreamed of it, he found it, he has it and though he isn’t hungry and he doesn’t need it because he’s fat –he wants it because, well – it’s his. Take for instance the antique car that my neighbor has. He searched for it, found it, and will someday restore it, “someday” –even though it has sat there for years rusting and getting worse off by the day, if you ask him if he would consider selling it - “Never!” . That’s because it’s his, it has made a home in his dream and filled one of the wants that he previously had. He has “loss aversion”. The value he believes he has outweighs the value presented by the sale.
Like my wife’s “fantastic shoes” they hurt her feet, they cause blisters and can only be worn for a few hours at a time –but will she take them back or resell them –“NEVER! Because they look awesome with …” I don’t know who’s giving her those compliments because to me they look like just another pair of sandals with a heel.
So this brings me to Buddha’s point; Desire and Want are perceptions. They are ingrained in us to help us improve our chance of survival by reducing risk, danger and labor so that we can spend more time providing and caring for our children. After that emotion steps in and brainwashes us into thinking about fixing ourselves. “I will be better with or without or if…” Inspect and analyze and then look around yourself and try and remember what thoughts you had before you bought those things on the top shelf or in the back of your closet or in the shed in the back yard. Then you will begin to control Want. But be warned the more you have the more you have to give up –like the young prince who renounced his world to live as a beggar with nothing to call his own.
Unfortunately this is not a battle you will win. Having it once may change your viewpoint for a time but it will take far more battles for you to claim even a small victory.
I know –I was there, living without.
And now 25 years later I am strategizing my next battle.
A new car.
I just realized that I should start writing down why I want to buy a new car so I can analyze it –but before I can do that I need to get a journal so that I can write down and analyze everything that I want. I think the journal should be leather bound –humm maybe it’s time for a new pen. Time to go shopping…

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Who's Driving

I realized yesterday that there is a specific time period that I do a poor job of following the Way. I have a tough time seeing everything joyfully and ignoring other peoples actions or idiosyncrasies. You see I drive about 2 hours a day to and from work. So for those two hours I find that I see everything that people do in, with and to their cars. Frankly some of it is disturbing. Now before you scoff at this statement let me say that for the most part my drive is typical interstate driving. There is little traffic and we are all a healthy distance from one another. There are those who read the paper, there’s a guy who practices the trumpet. There are too many women to recall who put on their makeup and there are several folks who I believe are actors or actresses, all rehearsing for the same part. This is because I don’t believe these people could have any other reason to scream and rant on the phone every morning of their lives. At least I hope not.
I am including those points after I get off of the interstate when I am driving through town in morning or evening traffic. I find that I have a fairly short fuse when it comes to people merging into a line or slowing down for a turn. You see I think that these skills must be executed in a specific manner. And when you fail to get into the correct lane early enough then that’s just poor planning and for that error in judgment those folks must take their medicine and drive on past, turn around and try again.
If you need to turn, I prefer to see a blinker and maybe even have a reasonable distance between the blinker coming on and the turn occurring. Pedestrians, cyclists and motorcycles I watch with scrutiny because those folks can move very sporadically. I assure you I am not the same person in a car as I am outside the car. Even as a passenger anyone outside the car is a jerk, fool or just plain crazy. I mumble and curse and talk to myself as though I am testing all the other drivers around me and some unseen person is taking notes and issuing fines to anyone who attracts my wrath.
My kids and wife think I’m “funny” because I mumble and glare and occasionally ask them if they agree with my assessment. They often giggle and shake their heads.
But the worst part is that moment I step from my car –if you were to bump me I would say “pardon me, sorry” , I would let you in front of me in a long line and even start a conversation with you just to be friendly. I would smile at you if you ran by me in a huff. I would stop and help if you fell and I would fully understand if you were lost and needed to slow your pace or stop in front of me while I walked. I might even ask If I could help.
But put me behind the wheel and who knows who’s driving. So If Jesus is my copilot or Buddha’s in the back seat they must be giggling right along with my kids because they sure aren’t commenting on my driving.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

IT’S FOOD for goodness sake



This issue has been on my mind this afternoon. I was at the closest grocery store to my office picking up some fruit and I was surprised. This big chain store had very little fruit from Florida. So -Once again I am in a dilemma about food. We are not vegan, though we appreciate the fruits of the earth that we grow. And we go to some effort to support local farmers and those markets that support our local first ideals. In it is such a joy to walk through the cramped and crowded isles our local and family owned food store. From the moment you approach the story you are presented with colors and odors that entice the senses. Fresh herb, and vegetable plants, flowering shrubs and edible plants cover the patio. As you enter you move from orchids and bromeliads to mangos, bananas and tomatoes and apples. The Locally grown section makes up almost half of the produce area and the rest is organic, fresh and well stocked. My kids like finding just the right fruit and veggies; not too ripe and not too hard - peaches or plums or bunch of Swiss chard. I am happy that we have these choices and I am aware that many do not. In the family owned market I am reminded of the bounty and variety of outdoor markets in other countries. I find it kind of sad that in the big box store I am looking for apples in today, with it’s perfect looking produce the ideals of fresh and nutritious foods have been corrupted. The American public has bought into a distorted view of fresh food. Big food companies have marketed happy cows, green giants, grove fresh and heart healthy foods like cell phones or erection medications. We are bombarded with the freshest looking fruits regardless of the taste and nutrition. These Marketing companies know that very few people have pulled an orange from a tree and eaten it, still warm and filled with juice. They know that you don’t want to wash your broccoli or leaf vegetables because of the grit and small insects that are very common in these foods from home grown plots. They know that If you saw how eggs are farmed or how Thanksgiving turkeys are fattened that you , sure as heck would think twice about why you are compromising your health for the low price.
To compete with the healthier community sustained farming movement the food corporations have coined phrases like “green”, farm raised, cage free and hormone free. These names do not live up to what they imply. Even” grass raised” cattle can be labeled grass fed because for the first year or so of their lives the cows do in fact roam a field. But because of the weight differential that occurs between them and their concrete pen raised brethren –the grass fed fellows are fed a high protein diet that includes proteins that are easily absorbed and enough carbs to ensure fast weight gain. Meanwhile as they stand in a community produces watery nastiness the Grass fed beginnings of their lives fade from memory as they are “finished” on the feed lot. The Marketing divisions of Gigantic corporations have patented and sold people on these catch words and phrases but have failed to improve the common growing practices. Worse yet these same patented phrases have been defined by these same companies and the FDA has accepted these definitions. Cage free? Do you really believe that? It’s just a bigger cage. Organic –well many of the pesticides are organic, so is the wax and the genetic modifications.
Food should be a ritual of awareness. Know how it grows, be aware of where it grows, be thankful for the growers, be mindful of its preparation and when preparing it have fun and taste often. I love to cook and if it takes a little longer to make a salad because I am cleaning veggies or cutting away bruised or damages parts or because i'm cutting radish florets or making curly accents out of the green onions or because I am in the yard gathering edible flowers –That’s OK because that little touch makes it more enjoyable to eat. It feeds body and soul. Next time you are at the grocery store identify one meal where you will think of where and how your produce was grown. For that one meal think of how it looks and question if it is grown for looks and resistance to shipping damage or if it’s grown for taste and nutrition – and for that one meal TRY something new –try something local. And involve the family in these choices –I think that you will be surprised when you explain how things are grown, where they come from, and what feelings your family has about food. Ask them what defines “goodness”, “freshness”, and “healthy”.
Once you define these things as a family or for yourself then “For goodness sake” should be at the top of your shopping list – , Because that my friends is what food is.
And you are worth it!