Bugs and their place

This weekend I had company over. The weather was gorgeous, and so we ateoutside. By sundown the mosquitoes were on the hunt. I try not to killmosquitoes, so when I caught one on my arm, I tried my best to brush itoff. I started this habit a couple years ago, about the same time Ibecame serious about Buddhism. Sometimes, accidentally, the mosquitodies in the process.If I spot a spider in the house, I try to catch it and release it outside. The same goes for flies, wasps beetles, ants, or other creepy crawlies. You get the picture.I have to admit, sometimes I feel silly. It is, after all, only a bug, right? What's the big deal?As a parent raising kids in the woods in a very rural small town I have watched my kids and their friends reactions to almost every outdoor encounter imaginable. If there's one thing that I've learned from watching it's that kids and adults are not that different. The same attitude that upsets me in kids especially as they hit the teen years is prevalent in most adults I know--namely that they think the world exists for them.Literally, that the world was created for them: animals exist so we canmake Big Macs out of them, and trees grow so we can cut them down tomake notebooks out of them.They think that the world was created for humans to do with as they please. To them, Earth is a giantplayground for people to have fun in. Or worse still, a giant diaper...(you imagine the rest)That's why Buddhism is so radical. Buddhists understand that, not only does every action have a consequence (karma), but that the world is a vast interconnected network, so thatwhat I do affects you, and vice versa. In that way, Buddhists are committed to living mindfully to insure that they cause as little harm as possible (which is not to say that you won't find so-called"Buddhists" doing unsavory or unethical things--far from it!).To come back to our little blood-sucking insect, the reason I don't kill them is not because I think I'll generate bad karma or that squishing the bug will have disastrous environmental consequences in theunforeseen future, but because I know that the way I treat a bug translates to how I treat other people, to how I interact with the world as a whole. If I think that a bug is annoying and squash it forentertainment or because its mere existence is "inconvenient" to me, then how tolerant and compassionate can I really be? (Alan Watts has a great spiel about this, where he criticizes humans for being selfish: we feed off of the world, consuming countless plants and animalsthroughout the course of our lives, but can't even spare a single drop of blood for another creature. How true it is!) The way we treat an insect, as small and insignificant as it may appear to us, reflects ourrelationship to the entire world.That being said, what would I do if my house was infested with termites? I'd hire an exterminator. The Buddhist precept against killing is just that--a precept. It's not a commandmentpassed down from "on high," something to be clung to at all costs; it's ageneral rule for living. And like all rules, life will force us intosituations where we must make exceptions. My house is built out of wood,the byproduct of dead trees. That's a fact, one that no amount ofidealism will change. We live in a world where we must kill other beingsin order to survive. As unfortunate as that is, it's a biologicalfact--right up there with the truth of impermanence itself.But I find that being aware of killing even the smallest thing needlessly is far better than no awareness at all.And still...I'm still far from seeing myself and "others" as the same, but I try mybest not kill mosquitoes, or spiders, or ants. They are part of thisworld too, and have every right to live. (Until they threaten theintegrity of my home, that is!) If my body or circumstances demanded itI will kill an animal. But only if I had to. For how I treat all life them reflects how Iview this world.None of this makes me better or superior than anyone else. And yet, I do think it makes a difference--admittedly a small one, but a difference nonetheless. I try to make the world a better place, or at the very least, not a worse one.I think that, more than anything else, is what makes me proud to be a Buddhist.
- The honey bee may have a sting, but to all that flowers he is king.Without his kind the fauna dies, so have a care for things that flies.The mosquito may whine and bite, as some flies and yellow jackets might.These little things bring out the show as bats and swallows swoop at night.The spider’s legs and web will scare, but she controls the biting bugs with care.She keeps their swarms to smaller mass so do not harm her as you pass.As for viruses and diseases being spread -this is true but killing the insect after it bites you -that’s just a reaction. Respect is the term I choose to use when we are out doors at my home in the woods in Fl. We have all sorts of biting insects that we repel with camphor and citronella and geranium, and we have special screens designed to block these little creatures. We Respect these insects and when it's time for them to hunt -we do our best to create a no fly zone. After all If your living on a river in Australia-you have a respectful awareness of crocks and snakes -if you live in Mississippi in the swamp you respect gators, and snakes, skeeters and black flies. If you live in NY -you are respectfully aware of muggers and pickpockets. For me it is as simple as knowing we all live here with creatures programmed to eat other things -So rather that kill them for it -we simply make ourselves less appetizing.Besides -there are far too many ways that we humans could make this world uninhabitable because we think we would be better off if we killed off some tiny thing.

Grabbing hands

I found this great picture on a friend’s blog and it spoke to me. This isn’t how I normally find inspiration but in this case I am glad it did. We all have wants; we want a house, car, husband/wife, job, independence, and body, whatever it is we all have wants. We grasp for something. How simple life would be if we didn’t. What if we weren’t hardwired to hunt for more? In Buddhism desire is one of the five hindrances. It is often unintentionally related to greed because in the old Pali language these two meanings come from the same word. Buddhism does not truly speak of freeing ourselves from want or desire because these things are part of the human spirit. Buddhism does however prescribe that we learn to inspect and analyze what we want in order to control these feelings before they control us. And therein lays the crux of the issue. As humans we want. These wants spring from how easy it is for us to get what we need. Opposable thumbs and big brains allowed our early ancestors to find shelter, food, and water rather easily. We have an ability to make tools and to change our environment. So after those basic needs are met we have some free time on our hands. And idle time makes us think “I can fix that.” And just like that humans created desire. And we began to look for faster and easier ways to do everything from make fire and tools thousands of years ago to storing and retrieving information today. We will unfortunately never rid ourselves of want. And just as unfortunately we also seem to be hardwired to keep all that crap that we’ve collected in the pursuit of making life easier. Few of us can easily get rid of those rewards of our desire, those trophies of conquest, and the spoils of achievement. Just like the flute that was an incredible find on E-Bay. Though I may never be able to play it, I will not be parted from it. –nobody wants to get rid of cool stuff.
Economists see desire as a closely linked motivator to loss, they call this need to hold onto what we acquire as the “Loss aversion” theory. This prescribes that all animals including humans are instinctively possessive. Try to take away a fat dogs bone and you may get bitten. He dreamed of it, he found it, he has it and though he isn’t hungry and he doesn’t need it because he’s fat –he wants it because, well – it’s his. Take for instance the antique car that my neighbor has. He searched for it, found it, and will someday restore it, “someday” –even though it has sat there for years rusting and getting worse off by the day, if you ask him if he would consider selling it - “Never!” . That’s because it’s his, it has made a home in his dream and filled one of the wants that he previously had. He has “loss aversion”. The value he believes he has outweighs the value presented by the sale.
Like my wife’s “fantastic shoes” they hurt her feet, they cause blisters and can only be worn for a few hours at a time –but will she take them back or resell them –“NEVER! Because they look awesome with …” I don’t know who’s giving her those compliments because to me they look like just another pair of sandals with a heel.
So this brings me to Buddha’s point; Desire and Want are perceptions. They are ingrained in us to help us improve our chance of survival by reducing risk, danger and labor so that we can spend more time providing and caring for our children. After that emotion steps in and brainwashes us into thinking about fixing ourselves. “I will be better with or without or if…” Inspect and analyze and then look around yourself and try and remember what thoughts you had before you bought those things on the top shelf or in the back of your closet or in the shed in the back yard. Then you will begin to control Want. But be warned the more you have the more you have to give up –like the young prince who renounced his world to live as a beggar with nothing to call his own.
Unfortunately this is not a battle you will win. Having it once may change your viewpoint for a time but it will take far more battles for you to claim even a small victory.
I know –I was there, living without.
And now 25 years later I am strategizing my next battle.
A new car.
I just realized that I should start writing down why I want to buy a new car so I can analyze it –but before I can do that I need to get a journal so that I can write down and analyze everything that I want. I think the journal should be leather bound –humm maybe it’s time for a new pen. Time to go shopping…

Who's Driving

I realized yesterday that there is a specific time period that I do a poor job of following the Way. I have a tough time seeing everything joyfully and ignoring other peoples actions or idiosyncrasies. You see I drive about 2 hours a day to and from work. So for those two hours I find that I see everything that people do in, with and to their cars. Frankly some of it is disturbing. Now before you scoff at this statement let me say that for the most part my drive is typical interstate driving. There is little traffic and we are all a healthy distance from one another. There are those who read the paper, there’s a guy who practices the trumpet. There are too many women to recall who put on their makeup and there are several folks who I believe are actors or actresses, all rehearsing for the same part. This is because I don’t believe these people could have any other reason to scream and rant on the phone every morning of their lives. At least I hope not.
I am including those points after I get off of the interstate when I am driving through town in morning or evening traffic. I find that I have a fairly short fuse when it comes to people merging into a line or slowing down for a turn. You see I think that these skills must be executed in a specific manner. And when you fail to get into the correct lane early enough then that’s just poor planning and for that error in judgment those folks must take their medicine and drive on past, turn around and try again.
If you need to turn, I prefer to see a blinker and maybe even have a reasonable distance between the blinker coming on and the turn occurring. Pedestrians, cyclists and motorcycles I watch with scrutiny because those folks can move very sporadically. I assure you I am not the same person in a car as I am outside the car. Even as a passenger anyone outside the car is a jerk, fool or just plain crazy. I mumble and curse and talk to myself as though I am testing all the other drivers around me and some unseen person is taking notes and issuing fines to anyone who attracts my wrath.
My kids and wife think I’m “funny” because I mumble and glare and occasionally ask them if they agree with my assessment. They often giggle and shake their heads.
But the worst part is that moment I step from my car –if you were to bump me I would say “pardon me, sorry” , I would let you in front of me in a long line and even start a conversation with you just to be friendly. I would smile at you if you ran by me in a huff. I would stop and help if you fell and I would fully understand if you were lost and needed to slow your pace or stop in front of me while I walked. I might even ask If I could help.
But put me behind the wheel and who knows who’s driving. So If Jesus is my copilot or Buddha’s in the back seat they must be giggling right along with my kids because they sure aren’t commenting on my driving.

IT’S FOOD for goodness sake

This issue has been on my mind this afternoon. I was at the closest grocery store to my office picking up some fruit and I was surprised. This big chain store had very little fruit from Florida. So -Once again I am in a dilemma about food. We are not vegan, though we appreciate the fruits of the earth that we grow. And we go to some effort to support local farmers and those markets that support our local first ideals. In it is such a joy to walk through the cramped and crowded isles our local and family owned food store. From the moment you approach the story you are presented with colors and odors that entice the senses. Fresh herb, and vegetable plants, flowering shrubs and edible plants cover the patio. As you enter you move from orchids and bromeliads to mangos, bananas and tomatoes and apples. The Locally grown section makes up almost half of the produce area and the rest is organic, fresh and well stocked. My kids like finding just the right fruit and veggies; not too ripe and not too hard - peaches or plums or bunch of Swiss chard. I am happy that we have these choices and I am aware that many do not. In the family owned market I am reminded of the bounty and variety of outdoor markets in other countries. I find it kind of sad that in the big box store I am looking for apples in today, with it’s perfect looking produce the ideals of fresh and nutritious foods have been corrupted. The American public has bought into a distorted view of fresh food. Big food companies have marketed happy cows, green giants, grove fresh and heart healthy foods like cell phones or erection medications. We are bombarded with the freshest looking fruits regardless of the taste and nutrition. These Marketing companies know that very few people have pulled an orange from a tree and eaten it, still warm and filled with juice. They know that you don’t want to wash your broccoli or leaf vegetables because of the grit and small insects that are very common in these foods from home grown plots. They know that If you saw how eggs are farmed or how Thanksgiving turkeys are fattened that you , sure as heck would think twice about why you are compromising your health for the low price.
To compete with the healthier community sustained farming movement the food corporations have coined phrases like “green”, farm raised, cage free and hormone free. These names do not live up to what they imply. Even” grass raised” cattle can be labeled grass fed because for the first year or so of their lives the cows do in fact roam a field. But because of the weight differential that occurs between them and their concrete pen raised brethren –the grass fed fellows are fed a high protein diet that includes proteins that are easily absorbed and enough carbs to ensure fast weight gain. Meanwhile as they stand in a community produces watery nastiness the Grass fed beginnings of their lives fade from memory as they are “finished” on the feed lot. The Marketing divisions of Gigantic corporations have patented and sold people on these catch words and phrases but have failed to improve the common growing practices. Worse yet these same patented phrases have been defined by these same companies and the FDA has accepted these definitions. Cage free? Do you really believe that? It’s just a bigger cage. Organic –well many of the pesticides are organic, so is the wax and the genetic modifications.
Food should be a ritual of awareness. Know how it grows, be aware of where it grows, be thankful for the growers, be mindful of its preparation and when preparing it have fun and taste often. I love to cook and if it takes a little longer to make a salad because I am cleaning veggies or cutting away bruised or damages parts or because i'm cutting radish florets or making curly accents out of the green onions or because I am in the yard gathering edible flowers –That’s OK because that little touch makes it more enjoyable to eat. It feeds body and soul. Next time you are at the grocery store identify one meal where you will think of where and how your produce was grown. For that one meal think of how it looks and question if it is grown for looks and resistance to shipping damage or if it’s grown for taste and nutrition – and for that one meal TRY something new –try something local. And involve the family in these choices –I think that you will be surprised when you explain how things are grown, where they come from, and what feelings your family has about food. Ask them what defines “goodness”, “freshness”, and “healthy”.
Once you define these things as a family or for yourself then “For goodness sake” should be at the top of your shopping list – , Because that my friends is what food is.
And you are worth it!

Jake; my silent master

As I wake he is there having already awoken with each other family member. Having already greeted and provided smiles to them as they began their day. Jake greets me with smiling eyes and encouragement. He insists they day is glorious. He knows because he woke before the sunrise so that he could perform his morning rites; simple yoga routine, a brisk walk, deep breathing and calmly sitting listening to the morning. He judges today as glorious. He watches me with gentle eyes as I emerge from the bathroom, showered and shaved and in his eyes there is no question that I have the potential to rule the world, to champion a cause to vanquish any opposition. He fails to see what I see in the mirror or maybe I lack his perception of the truth. Jake joins me for breakfast reminding me that preparing food is exciting and joyful. He cares for me in every action; assisting me in my food choice from the fridge, ensuring I make the tea dark enough with his wise and insightful stare. Jake eats thoughtfully no conversation, no distraction, never eating more than is needed and only drinking after his meal. He is mindful.
He returns to his bed as I put my wallet in my pocket. His head is down before I pick up my keys. And his eyebrows rise in a simple roll as I cross the room to the door. He never says goodbye.
Jake is there after work, he is ecstatic to see me. He is overwhelmed with joy. He wiggles like a thousand mice under a rug as he sits on the end of the walkway watching me approach. His touch is so subtle, reassuring, comfortable, kind, and congratulatory. He doesn’t know what battles I had or care if I feel that I won or lost. He greets my like a hero of the day. That I am there is all that matters. Where I was or what I did may have left traces of evidence on my clothes, on my hands and face. But he never judges me by that evidence or even acknowledges it if he finds such traces. He and I pick up where we left off comfortable and understanding. We are companions in each other’s care. And I am home again.
That he is able to care for me again is all he strives to do.
I have seen how Jake greets each of us in turn; conquering heroes all. We are all unique and important to him and he treats us each a bit differently. He has an uncanny ability to change himself to be what each of us needs, at that moment. And I believe he knows how important that role is.
Sometimes he is aloof, others times he is overwhelming and smotheringly loving. Sometimes he is reserve and rigidly obedient. But these roles he adopts to become what the moment requires, what we need him to be.
Jake leads by example.
Jake speaks without words.
His silence is educational, his caring is saintly, his attitude is admirable and something we aspire to emulate.
Jake helps us prepare dinner. Jake oversees home work and board games and evening reading and Jake puts us all to bed. And after he walks through the dark house having spent time in every bedroom listening to the gentle changes in our breathing as we fall off to sleep. Jake sighs and wishes that he could be just like us. He dreams that he could be the champion of his day, bringing home food to share after defeating his foes and winning the battles of the hunt. Jake dreams that he could come with us on te days journey and that he might be better at protecting us.
I wish I could convince him that he has it backwards. I hope and dream of how I can be more like him.

My Darkest hours

My darkest moments arise in fits and starts. They begin to swell silently like a gently growing cloud on the horizon. My darkest moments begin to grey in the evening gloom and root themselves in my soul with fitful sleep if sleep it is. My darkest thoughts bloom from the decaying roots of long dead battles, overcome threats, and poorly lit fears. The storm breaks with a gust of anger, unattached to an event and unconnected to a solution. Loathing flashes like a strobe light. My semblance is that of a frightened cur, with gnashed teeth and reddened glares, quite undeserved and misunderstood by those who approach with loving hands. My mental vantage jumps from one point to another sliding from each grimy wall dirtier and more exhausted for the effort. Looking at a window at the end of this long dank hall, it is a bright spot in a sea of darkness and shadow. The bright light is painful repulsive. And that I don’t desire it hurts as well.
I close my eyes for the sweet flashes. Glimpses of times when I stood pressed to that opening. Forward staring, warm. There was no hallway. The window shows a far clearer and brighter world, and if had the strength I might drag myself to the sill. I might jump through. Back to where I so often reside. Back from this moldering and dank excursion.
My darkest moments feed and grow on fear of the light. They swell and bulge with the worry that there will be more pain. The fear that I will not be strong enough to keep swimming. I worry that they will feel more than pain, I fear that I cannot take that pain into myself that I cannot relieve what is theirs to bear. These darkest of moments grow and swell swallowing me for a time. This time. And even though I might entertain the thought that when I choose to I will close my eyes, and breathe slowly. I will step forward toward the window. I will feel the warmth; I will cast off this fear and live outside in the world of love and comfort. I must also admit this does not fit into the cycle of life. This notion of control does not fit the truth that all matter waxes and wanes in balance. In Bright days contain shadows and darkest nights have stars.
But for now I must continue on deeper into the darkness. And I must experience that which is only mine, I must feel and learn how to understand My darkest moments, though my understanding will mean nothing in the end. It is what it is. I will ride the current without struggling.
OM Mane Padme Hum

Retracting opposites

I find that there are people in the world that are my antagonist by nature. These people are destructively pessimistic. They find themselves in loathsome situations constantly and spread this fact to anyone around them verbally and physically like a virus. These are the people who murmur pleasantries as you greet them , like discarded cigarettes damp and reeking of foulness that robotically rolls out of their mouth as a scripted –“Fine” or “uh-huh”. These are the unique individuals who continue to insert themselves into teams or groups as an authority or out of some unaddressed need for companionship. I always admire the spouses of these people and wonder what or when they saw something different than I what we all see now.
I love these folks! They force me to look at myself and my actions with a bit more scrutiny, just to make sure I don’t sound that way when I am having a rough day. They remind me that things truly are what you make of them and that bad moods and attitudes spread like the flu. I love them because sometimes they are right, sometimes We all would like to rant and rave about how long a line is or how poor the service is at the DMV. I love them because they have such apparent lack of concert for those around them or those who they are raving at. These folks are exactly who I practice metta on –these people need someone to understand their frustrations and someone to absorb their abuse with a smile. They need someone who can listen and agree and then act as a mediator. I love these people who seem to be so much the opposite of myself because they make me a better person. And I have found that they also make very good friends.