The weather here is wonderful. A cool 72 with a lite breeze. It is hammock weather; at least here in Florida, elsewhere -hammocks are buried under snow and thoughts of warm weather are only day dreams.
So on this wonderful day I wanted to relax, and read my new raku book under the budding trees. I also wanted to throw a pot or two and smoke two small pots that I had made last year. There are so-many things that I want to do. That struck me as the theme of many conversations that I have had with people over the years. Conversations that lead towards bad endings, hurt feelings, broken engagements and even car accidents. What makes us take that spare day, 12 or more hours of unscheduled freedom, and section it into tangerine like morsels to be crowded full of a months worth of no-time-wants. I think it is a lot of things on the surface. But as I swung in the hammock earlier today, struggling to read the 5th page of my book, it struck me. We are afraid. The fear of accomplishing nothing of value is hardwired into us. We are born with tasks set out before us. Hold your head up, roll over, crawl, stand, say the first word and so forth. And as parents we rate our child like any other accomplishment. Did we see results on time, early or late. Teeth straight, speaks well, reads well -good breeding stock -
Wow that's a lot to deal with. And it sure as hell makes it hard to go through life, unpredictable, impermanent and chaotic life. Fear is the spring of many many issues that we have. We all seem to be really afraid of accomplishing nothing. This desire to accomplish whatever pops to mind within our self imposed time frame is just one of the aspects of this root emotion and controllable spring of suffering. Today amidst my many thoughts and wishes and to-do's, I realized that there are some times when focus towards accomplishments is healthy. That's when there is little or no fear. I saw this as I was going through physical therapy. Many of the patients around me were recovering from strokes or head trauma. The Physical Therapists Start by saying "there is no goal, if you are able to move a little bit we will celebrate it." (This is a very Zen state of mind to me, celebrating the tiniest of movements of the immobile is truly warranted. But we are blind to this) Gradually, day by day, many people progress; some slowly, some quickly, but always there is reasons for celebration. Remembering this brought me back to my present moment. My desire to accomplish so many things. So I started by reading.
I have had difficulty reading for many years now and for someone who used to be avidly reading several books at any given time whenever I can focus on and digest the written word I celebrate it. So this morning I sat outside and read. No deadlines, no expectations, had I read one sentence or the full chapter I was happy to be able to read. I did get to lay in the hammock, I did get to turn some clay. But there was no pot or even a semblance of a pot completed. As a matter of fact I had so much fun trying to just get the clay centered on the wheel , that I did that for about an hour. And I feel like that was a great learning experience. So when my wife walks in the door and asks what I did today I will say I read 4 pages that I remember. I worked on centering clay on the wheel and turned some clay into oddly shaped cylinders and then tossed it back into the clay bag. And I wrote a short page on the problems that arise within all of us when we expect to accomplish anything, though we are in control of very little.
How was your day?
