Inner voices

Today is a good day to look back at those things that I once did and miss doing and those things that I don’t do anymore and don’t miss at all. Today I had a compressed collage of introspections. These spanned between loss and approval of where I am today. I say compressed collage because in a very creative way my mind bounced from positive to negative as my inner narrator argued with my inner guru. It all began when I got to work and it went something like this-

N: I hope its Friday this week has been slow., G: Wow –this week went by so fast I forgot what day it was –I got a lot done this week, I feel very productive.
N: Man I can’t believe that I am still eating Bacon –it makes me feel horrible, that’s no way to treat my heart. , G: I have really enjoyed the fruits and veggies I have had this week, I am glad that I am making quick progress back towards a vegetarian diet.
N: Did you feel that? Is my heart beating funny, maybe some things wrong! Oh No –I don’t want something to be wrong! –G: Why do you think something is wrong? Your heart is beating fine. And what if it is beating fast? What do you think will happen? You are going to make something happen if you remain stressed, relax.
N: I can’t go to Yoga today –I feel like I might be getting sick. , G: Yoga is healthy; it improves your body and mind and strengthens your HEART. Go to Yoga. You have no evidence that you are getting sick.
N: This yoga pose is too stressful, I am feeling weak, I am feeling dizzy! What’s wrong?, G: BREATHE –get a drink of water –you just need more water, you’re supposed to feel like this its healthy to feel this way.
N: I can’t believe that I was asked to work on that, I have so much on my plate already, this sucks, I’m gonna fail. G: Tell them No, if they need you to do it, then they will ask your boss and he will assign it to take priority over everything else, you can tell them NO.
N: Man I wish I could go out with those guys tonight, they probably think I’m just making excuses, they probably think I am acting like old fart. I can’t believe that I have become so old I can’t go out to clubs and hang out like I used to. , G: Priorities change and health and relaxation and family come first enjoy this part of your life.
N: I feel so drained of energy; I can’t believe I have this extra weight. G: You’ve done great. Keep it up. Don’t order bacon next time.

I am proud that I am eating better and exercising rather than just being health conscious. I don’t miss clubs with loud noise, rude people, and expensive everything. I am proud that I put myself first nurturing my kids, my home life and my relationship with my wife. I don’t miss overworking; rushing to fit it all in, making great efforts to please everyone I work with instead of just my boss. I am proud that rather than hearing my Narrator’s criticisms and doubts and fears I challenge them and bring them back to a positive direction. I miss camping and traveling on a shoe string and having time to spend on my art and myself. I am proud that I have taken the time to teach my kids to paint, draw, write creatively, canoeing, hiking, to enjoy reading and to understand why I love the out of doors.
Today is a great day to remember fondly what we had, what we did, where we were and why we aren’t there anymore. Today is a great day to see our lives positively.