In opening I will tell you a short sad story about my son and his teacher and bad words.
At the age of 3 my son had already developed quite a reputation for self reliance at the day care. He was not unsocial but preferred to play alone or with one or maybe two other children only. He was reading and sounding words out and was also a very good listener even when you weren’t aware he was paying attention. So it was no surprise to my wife and I when we received a note that my son had said bad words to another child. It was however a surprise to us when the elderly woman who directed the day care told us what he had said, “He called the little girl a stupid head.” said the kindly mothering director. “Stupid head” –that’s what this is about?” I said. With a stern look the director leaned in and began to speak to us as thought we were children. And when it comes to speech as a multifunctional tool I think that we are all children. As I listened I relived many of the hateful things I had said over the years, especially as a teen, with painful clarity.
This was when I received my best transmission on what correct speech is all about. She explained to my wife and I the concept that words are merely the expression we vocalize. And I must say it opened our eyes. TO think that my little boy would explode with anger and lash out verbally with a hurtful and demeaning intention was very surprising and alarming. He was a little boy. Where had that come from? OH – his friends and relatives and TV and a hundred other overheard public scenes.
I must admit “Stupid” was not on my list of curse words but as we listened, it soon became one, as did butt head, retard, and pansy. So we had a conversation with my son. And then after another incident we asked him how he would like to be punished the next time –he chose hot sauce over soap. Sure enough there was a third time. Meanwhile my wife and I were teaching him words that were more fitting. Words and sentences that he agreed were much more meaningful than “You’re a stupid head!” In the end I think my wife and I learned far more than my son. We learned that right speech has far greater connotations than nice words and intelligent compassionate statements. As time went on I made sure than my children and nieces and nephews were raised with the understanding that words only have power that we imbue them with. Well at least that’s what I tried to teach them about “bad” words. To illustrate this I would make up some gibberish words and yell them in an angry tone. I would tell the kids that I was using curse words in another language. At which point they would look at me wide eyed. I would repeat the words in a soothing and silly voice. “See - I would say - those same words have little power to scare you if I say them nicely, so it isn’t the word that is bad but how you use it.”At which point the child I was giving this lesson to, would look at me like I was crazy. As do many of my friends when I bring up this topic.
There are no bad words only bad intentions. I repeat –There are no bad words only bad intentions. If I were to make a list of words that should be bad it surely would not include bodily functions, body parts –or acts that most of us cherish as the best way to share love. My bad words would be; war, hate, bigotry, torture, slavery and maybe a few more that thankfully don’t come to mind. I have worked on this issue with my kids (and myself) for years. Words carry information, intention, and emotion and color the world with our own self interest, that’s all. So when someone curses at you, the words they say are not the right words to present information; but rather, an intention of some emotion that they need to express. OR in most cases they are used to accentuate a statement which for some reason can’t be better accented with a more applicable word. Usually this is because of a poor vocabulary but sometimes because it fits the mood or social vernacular. I won’t get into the words or their origin although that is an interesting journey. I will just say that the connotations and connections that the use of these words have, is ingrained in our understanding from early childhood. Unfortunately most of us were never challenged to get creative. If we had been I am sure we could think up several more applicable and expressive colloquialisms and explicative words so that we could retire these overused and frankly outdated expressions.
And my son, well he is now in his late teens and has a real distaste for cursing –in movies and on TV –he is far more aware than my wife and I of the lack of creativeness and the regression of vocabulary in our country. In our society the power of words and their use is constantly challenged and I find that amazing, as well as the power of a little hot sauce.
Right speech begins with expressing intentions and emotions and truth. And honestly that’s really friggin hard sometimes.Speak well my friends and your intentions will require few words.
At the age of 3 my son had already developed quite a reputation for self reliance at the day care. He was not unsocial but preferred to play alone or with one or maybe two other children only. He was reading and sounding words out and was also a very good listener even when you weren’t aware he was paying attention. So it was no surprise to my wife and I when we received a note that my son had said bad words to another child. It was however a surprise to us when the elderly woman who directed the day care told us what he had said, “He called the little girl a stupid head.” said the kindly mothering director. “Stupid head” –that’s what this is about?” I said. With a stern look the director leaned in and began to speak to us as thought we were children. And when it comes to speech as a multifunctional tool I think that we are all children. As I listened I relived many of the hateful things I had said over the years, especially as a teen, with painful clarity.
This was when I received my best transmission on what correct speech is all about. She explained to my wife and I the concept that words are merely the expression we vocalize. And I must say it opened our eyes. TO think that my little boy would explode with anger and lash out verbally with a hurtful and demeaning intention was very surprising and alarming. He was a little boy. Where had that come from? OH – his friends and relatives and TV and a hundred other overheard public scenes.
I must admit “Stupid” was not on my list of curse words but as we listened, it soon became one, as did butt head, retard, and pansy. So we had a conversation with my son. And then after another incident we asked him how he would like to be punished the next time –he chose hot sauce over soap. Sure enough there was a third time. Meanwhile my wife and I were teaching him words that were more fitting. Words and sentences that he agreed were much more meaningful than “You’re a stupid head!” In the end I think my wife and I learned far more than my son. We learned that right speech has far greater connotations than nice words and intelligent compassionate statements. As time went on I made sure than my children and nieces and nephews were raised with the understanding that words only have power that we imbue them with. Well at least that’s what I tried to teach them about “bad” words. To illustrate this I would make up some gibberish words and yell them in an angry tone. I would tell the kids that I was using curse words in another language. At which point they would look at me wide eyed. I would repeat the words in a soothing and silly voice. “See - I would say - those same words have little power to scare you if I say them nicely, so it isn’t the word that is bad but how you use it.”At which point the child I was giving this lesson to, would look at me like I was crazy. As do many of my friends when I bring up this topic.
There are no bad words only bad intentions. I repeat –There are no bad words only bad intentions. If I were to make a list of words that should be bad it surely would not include bodily functions, body parts –or acts that most of us cherish as the best way to share love. My bad words would be; war, hate, bigotry, torture, slavery and maybe a few more that thankfully don’t come to mind. I have worked on this issue with my kids (and myself) for years. Words carry information, intention, and emotion and color the world with our own self interest, that’s all. So when someone curses at you, the words they say are not the right words to present information; but rather, an intention of some emotion that they need to express. OR in most cases they are used to accentuate a statement which for some reason can’t be better accented with a more applicable word. Usually this is because of a poor vocabulary but sometimes because it fits the mood or social vernacular. I won’t get into the words or their origin although that is an interesting journey. I will just say that the connotations and connections that the use of these words have, is ingrained in our understanding from early childhood. Unfortunately most of us were never challenged to get creative. If we had been I am sure we could think up several more applicable and expressive colloquialisms and explicative words so that we could retire these overused and frankly outdated expressions.
And my son, well he is now in his late teens and has a real distaste for cursing –in movies and on TV –he is far more aware than my wife and I of the lack of creativeness and the regression of vocabulary in our country. In our society the power of words and their use is constantly challenged and I find that amazing, as well as the power of a little hot sauce.
Right speech begins with expressing intentions and emotions and truth. And honestly that’s really friggin hard sometimes.Speak well my friends and your intentions will require few words.
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