The seasons of life.

Life is a collection of changes, impermanent changes. In a single life we can actually have many "lives". We have a life as a child, a teen, an adult. We have lives as single, married or divorced. We have no control of the changes that transition us from one life to another but we must make the best of every day.
I look back at my marriage and see how many different relationships that represents. I see clearly how many husbands I have been and how many wives I have had in our single and only marriage. Looking back, the first person I was in the beginning of the marriage was a lust filled and enamored young man, head over heels in adoration and fully committed to our friendship and partnership. For me at that time spontaneity, career aspirations, travel and freedom were the bonding agents of our relationship. Everything was exciting and new and it seemed that I was energized through the simple friction of a full schedule and physical contact.
When my wife became pregnant my life changed again- I became NEW-daddy, refocused in heart and mind and duty. I was a reassigned and dedicated version of my previous self. And I quickly found that my late night restless and playful hours could be spent on more quiet and rewarding demands. I learned what it meant to be tired and in love. I learned what the miracle of birth looks like and what it feels like (views which are in my opinion, apposed). I learned what it means to be responsible and unquestionably in love. And I learned that that all my creativity and mastery, and passion of art will only be like a match to the sun when compared to the beauty and emotion created by my wife. I learned what it meant to adore, to cherish, to share and both my wife and new son opened a well within me that lay beyond comprehension until it began to pour meaning into my life. We were blessed with this same occurrence when my daughter joined us several years later. Before my second child I became devout in the religion of my family’s wellbeing. This happened gradually over several years until it just was. Thoughts of me, mine and self faded to us, and ours.
At some point about three years later I changed again. I found myself content to just sit silently holding hands with my wife at dinner. I realized the pleasure of a quiet house or a day alone. I began to touch the deeper meanings of meditation and consciousness and awareness of “the moment”. I saw very clearly the importance of teaching my children about the world, nature and what respect and awareness are. I realized painfully that I can not protect their bodies and minds from the world. And more importantly I remembered all those things I enjoyed learning the hard way so in some situations I found I didn’t want to protect them. I realized what it is to share space and time with that which you created. I learned to feed and nurture, to communicate and conform and I began to learn to comfort, them, myself and others by sitting silently and being close.
I found the importance of my parents every stance and made some of my own. I watched the world grow in gasps and fits like weeds that appear overnight –and I began to hate shaving and mowing –these seem to waste so much time for so little a reward. Now, both get done every month or so. But most importantly in that phase I learned that Change comes unbidden and regardless. Change consumes and builds anew in an instant or a lifetime. I learned to celebrate change.
As my children are now sprouting into a teen ager and an adult, and fledgling wings are shedding pin feathers and flapping at the edge of the nest. I am learning to let go, to find a cool deep drink in a hug, a smile, a cuddle –but this comes to me too late. I am learning to enjoy myself and some of my own freedoms though they seem kind of boring without the family. And I wonder If I will some day soon begin to see the tail end of my circle. I wonder if I will become lust filled and playful, wanting travel and a care free existence filled with spontaneity and unscheduled days. But I guess that’s what every day really is; we lust for things, we are passionate and playful, we travel either in books and fairy tales, movies and family trips, and we are spontaneous with colds, and spills, and school projects and sleepovers. I think maybe I have always had hold of the tail end of my circle –it’s just the point I was looking at it from that changed.
We all work changes in the world, for good or bad we create change. So, Go! Work changes and enjoy the impermanence of your life.